The day is fast approaching while I sort of prepare for my own moving experience. Boxes are being packed; plastic bags loaded down and phone calls arranging for services are being made. The only real problem is that the owners of this property just completed and filled a swimming pool of Disneyesque proportions.

It’s got an 18 foot curving slide, a diving rock dug up from the hillside, a grotto , a sauna, numerous waterfalls, (last count was 10), full night lighting, brick, rock and tile construction, and, oh yes, lots of water for swimming. It makes a delightful diversion from packing and moving plans. As with most people, I’ll take swimming over packing any and every day of the week.

IT’S PRIVATE! No maddening crowds to irritate and discombobulate us, only family members. Of course they can be irritating enough sometimes. Especially the four young boys who tend to “take over’ the pool when their parents bring them over. But hey! What are swimming pools for, anyway?

Oh yes, back to my moving experience. That will occur on July 18th and I’ve made arrangements for the off-duty firemen to do the heavy work. That has become common in many places. Since they have time off from their 24 hour shifts, they make good money and are usually very careful with furniture, etc.

So if you are planning a move soon, think of the firemen. And if you’re not moving, but hate moving with a passion, PLEASE THINK OF ME. Even a prayer or two would be nice.

Your first Colonoscopy? Well, here is a humorous version of one man’s experience:

The Colonoscopy Journal

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, quote, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’ I left Andy’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began my peparation. In accordance with my instructions, I didn’t eat any solid food that day; alI I had was chicken broth, which is basically water, only with less flavor. Then, in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two packets of powder together in a one-liter plastic jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water. (For those unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 gallons.) Then you have to drink the whole jug. This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture of goat spit and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of lemon. The instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody with a great sense of humor, state that after you drink it, ‘a loose watery bowel movement may result.’ This is kind of like saying that after you jump off your roof, you may experience contact with the ground. MoviPrep is a nuclear laxative. I don’t want to be too graphic, here, but: Have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish thecommode had a seat belt. You spend several hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting violently. You eliminate everything. And then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into the future and start eliminating food that you have not even eaten yet. After an action-packed evening, I finally got to sleep. The next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was very nervous. Not only was I worried about the procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was thinking, ‘What if I spurt on Andy?’ How do you apologize to a friend for something like that? Flowers would not be enough.

At the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that I understood and totally agreed with whatever the heck the forms said.
Then they led me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I went inside a little curtained space and took off my clothes and put on one of those hospital garments designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when you are actually naked.

Then a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in their MoviPrep. At first I was ticked off that I hadn’t thought of this, but then I pondered what would happen if you got yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. You would have no choice but to burn your house.

When everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the 17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this point. Andy had me roll over on my left side, and the anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the needle in my hand. There was music playing in the room, and I realized that the song was ‘Dancing Queen’ by Abba. I remarked to Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing during this particular procedure, ‘Dancing Qu een’ has to be the least appropriate. ‘You want me to turn it up?’ said Andy, from somewhere behind me. ‘Ha ha,’ I said.

And then it was time, the moment I had been dreading for more than decade. If you are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was like. I have no idea.

Really. I slept through it. One moment, Abba was shrieking ‘Dancing Queen! Feel the beat from the tambourine …’.. and the next moment, I was back in the other room, waking up in a very mellow mood. Andy was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. I felt excellent. I felt even more excellent when Andy told me that it was all over, and that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have never been prouder of an internal organ.

I’m talking about Actively Senior. I knew the domain was due to expire in June, but did not receive my email from the server so decided to check.

Sure enough, it expired two days ago and I was locked out of the site. What a strange, AWFUL feeling that was! Worst of it was that it was all my own fault.

Well, I hastened online to the GoDaddy site and tried to make sense of it so I could renew the domain. Only problem was I couldn’t remember my account login information so I couldn’t log in. I fussed and tried and got nowhere.

So today I just picked up the phone, called their service personnel, got Jared and he fixed me up in ten minutes. Not only was he a great cust rep, but I was soooo relieved.

So here I am again, folks. I’m like a bad penny, I keep turning up. I’m amazed at the number of people who are still finding this site, reading in it, and getting inspiration from it. This really encourages me to do more with it and except for planning a move back to town, maybe things will settle down a bit and I can fulfill my responsibilities here.

You can’t keep a stubborn old Dutch lady down, can you?

GRANNY

The wrinkled old woman sits with gnarled fingers pensively entwined in her lap. An empty maple rocker rests in a sunny corner of the farmhouse kitchen — waiting for new generations of babies to comfort

Granny rests her weary body in the big, soft chair purchased by her children. It was their 80th birthday gift for all the years she had fetched and carried, cooked and cleaned for them.

Seemingly at rest, her mind is busy with thoughts of the past. She doesn’t notice bright sunlight glinting through the old oak tree, bathing violets with life giving light on the window sill.

Instead she sees pictures in her mind, like a slide show of the past:

–Five children clamoring for food around the dinner table.

–Husband John, stamping snow and ice off his boots in the rear entry.

–The stormy spring night the old cow needed help birthing her calf.

–Sewing children’s clothes on the old treadle sewing machine.

–Son Bill, proud in his uniform before he went to war – never to return.

Her eyes drift shut on memories of what once was – but will never be again. Where have they all gone? Why is she here all alone? Now that she has plenty of time for rest, why doesn’t she ever feel rested?

She did not realize when it was happening how precious it was. Mostly she felt tired, sometimes irritable, often overwhelmed. The children’s laughter sustained her then; the yearly process of new life, new growth gave her hope and joy.

Now memories are what sustain her - for she has outlived them all.

92 years old tomorrow; still living on her own. Perhaps the great grandchildren will come. Her eyes drift closed…. sleep overtakes her. But the memories will never stop. They fill her dreams, waking and sleeping.

Memories keep her alive.

The American government and many citizens tremble at the thought of  “seniority” coming to baby boomers who originally appeared on the world stage after WWII. As the former military personnel came home to  assume their peacetime identities, there seemed to be a concerted effort to make up for lost time. Tteir effort resulted in the Baby Boom; which may have included replacing the multitudes of American men and women who lost their lives in the war,

Baby boomer is a North American-English term to describe a person born between 1946 and 1965.^[1][2] Following World War II, these countries experienced an unusual spike in birth rates, a phenomenon commonly known as the baby boom. (SeeWikipedia, Baby Boom)

Many of us here don’t actually fit the ‘boomer’ generation, having been born earlier. I personally missed it by about 5-10 years. But the effects of the boom will definitely be felt by us as increasing demands are placed upon governmental programs such as Social Security and Medicare.

That is a topic for another blog.   The area I would like to discuss is the effects of seniority/retirement of the baby boomers to positively affect the American culture.   Since many of this generation experienced and participated in the 50’s and 60’s,  their upbringing was very different from ours.  The cultural revolution during the 50’s and 60’s changed North American society completely.

Better educated, more world wise, with a higher sense of gender and racial issues, these boomers will play an increasingly important role in government, politics, education, social programs, economics.

We can see this today in the presidential primaries, where a woman and a black man are battling for nomination on the Democratic side.   After all, when John Kennedy was elected president it was considered revolutionary that a Catholic got the nod.   Now gender and race are being eliminated as blocks to the White House.   The Republican candidate is 72 years old; he has crossed the previous age barrier.

Many of those working and voting in these campaigns are in their late 40’s through their 50’s.  Are they impatient with the current state of malaise in our society?   Whatever the case may be, our country is ready for change and these emerging baby boomers will be a very large part of it.

It will be interesting for us more elderly retirees to view just what occurs when the Boomers take center stage in  the United States.

THE COMPUTER SWALLOWED GRANDMA

The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly its true!
She pressed ‘control’ and ‘enter’
And disappeared from view.

It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.

I’ve searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind;
I’ve even used the Internet,
But nothing did I find.

In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative,
Not a thing was found ‘online.’

So, if inside your ‘Inbox,’
My Grandma you should see,
Please ‘Copy,”Scan’ and ‘Paste’ her
And send her back to me.

It’s amazing when I stop to think of the years and the life I have lived.

As so many of us say, I’m old in years but young at heart. If I never looked in the mirror I might not believe that I have just reached the biblical 3 score and ten. Not too long ago, that seemed a very long way away. But hey, our perspective changes with time. For example, I picked this up on a senior forum today:

“My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, “62.” He was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?” ”

When I was a child I thought like a child, but when I grew up I put away childish things.” Then when I was an adult I thought and acted like an adult but when I became a senior citizen I put away some adult things. No water skiing for me, or horseback riding, or even a good vigorous game of tennis. No sirree! Some of those favorite adult activities are better left to the younger people. But there are many compensations to take their place. Like being able to sleep late in the morning; not having to get out in bad weather to go to work every day, no longer worrying how I’ll pay for the kids’ college expenses, Yes there are definite compensations.

Would I like to go back a decade or two or three? Not really. It’s been a long and interesting life but now I have new interests to follow and new things to learn. For example, this blog, and training class, and volunteering along with whatever else offers itself. Being old is not a disease; it is a new way to actively participate in life.

Does that ring a bell with any of you , my fellow senior citizens?

My dear friend Gube is having a birthday today and I wanted to be sure not to miss it.   He is the man who has contributed to this area before;  he used to write a weekly article for his local newspaper called Musings.   So here is his article on Birthdays.

MUSINGS BY GUBE

BIRTHDAYS

February the 19th makes me another year older. I am still in the two digit category. By that I mean I haven’t reached the 100 year mark. I won’t relate how old I will be but if you were to add the third digit, which is the same as the other two you would have the biblical number of the Beast. For those of you that are students of the bible you can figure my age pretty quick.

Actually, the celebrating of birthdays is a little foolish. Number one is that you really only have one birthday and that is the day you were born. All the rest are just anniversaries. Many families make a big deal when one of their members are another year older. As to myself the day goes by sometimes without my knowing it unless I happen to receive a birthday card. But woe to the man who forgets his spouses birthday. He is in deep trouble. I heard of a sign in a florist’s window that read, “Smoking, or forgetting you wife’s birthday, can be hazardous to your health.” There is so, much truth in that statement that I wouldn’t be surprised if it didn’t come from somewhere in the bible. Let me tell the male readers that the best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once!

George Washington was first in war, first in peace and first to have his birthday juggled to make a long weekend. It seems as if every time some one gets involved in one thing or another they declare a holiday and all the government employees get another day off.

I remember when I was a kid and had a birthday, mom would always send cupcakes to school as would a lot of other mothers when their child had one. We would then have a party at school. It always seemed funny to me that when a mother baked a birthday cake for her child it was big enough to hold all the candles- and her own small enough not to. I guess the reason being is that women are more “persnickety” about their age than the men folk. When some women do have a big beautiful cake and put candles on it most of the time the design is beautiful but the arithmetic is terrible.

They talk about equality among the sexes. That doesn’t always hold true when it comes to birthdays. When a man has a birthday he sometimes takes the day off. When a woman has a birthday she make take off five years. Yes sir, that’s a fact!

There are many folks that just don’t want to acknowledge their birthday. It actually pains them to think that they are another year older, not me, no sir. When you cease to have birthdays you have expended your time here on earth and I really enjoy it here on this old earth in spite of some of the things that go on. Haven’t you enjoyed your time spent to date?

Gube

So you have had a long day and you don’t feel like reading but there’s nothing on television to watch? Then crank up the computer, come visit us and click on the “Listen Now” button to listen to the latest post on here.

Yep, friend Andy got it installed already and I hope each and every one of you will take advantage of the opportunity to listen while you rest. Isn’t technology great!

Frankly, I’ve been losing sleep thinking of all the things I want to do, now that I have recovered the ability to see what was unseen, to communicate with people who have ideas, opinions and feedback. So please open those weary eyes long enough to comment on what is happening in the world around you and, especially, here on Actively Senior. We need your input to make this a blog for and by seniors of 2008.

As promised, I have returned!

My new equipment has arrived and I am busy getting acquainted with the basics of how to use it.

I still have a week’s training ahead of me in San Antonio, Texas in the intricacies of using the software, but until then, I am overjoyed to announce that I can now read and write in spite of my very poor vision. I have to thank the Texas Division of Blind Services for this. Also, I want to offer thanks to my friend Andy for changing the theme and making it far more readable.

Many seniors are afflicted with worsening eyesight, whether it be degeneration, retinopathy, cataracts, or simply the aging process going a bit too far! (Kinda like our hearing; it just seems to get worse with the passing of time.)

Hearing problems can be improved with the addition of hearing aids but there is no practical medical answer for serious vision loss. So our science people have developed these tools to enable us to see or even to hear the written word.

Did I say HEAR? Yes, I did. There are now software programs that enable us to have the written words read to us. In fact, my buddy and mentor Andy is getting ready to install this service here on Actively. As I understand it won’t work on every post, only on the most recently posted. But what a blessing it will be, even if it is limited to recent posts. It just means you’ll have to come back often to discover what is happening.

There is much more to come, so come back soon!